To my future Lillies: Your daddy :)

My sweet scarlett and beckham: I just want you to know what an amazing daddy you have. Isn't he just the best? Last night I wasn't feeling too well and your dad made me put in earplugs and took care of beck through the night (apart from feedings) so that I could get some rest. Then today, I was still feeling pretty crummy and exhausted so your dad took  both of you so that I could get a nap. When I woke up, he had you, Scarlett, in your swimsuit jumping on the tramp and spraying you with the hose. He loves you two more than anything and I hope you know and remember that. We're pretty lucky to have him :)

If you're happy and you know it

These past couple of weeks since our sweet beckham was born have flown by. It's been interesting trying to navigate the waters of being parents to two little ones. Obviously those first few days postpartum, my emotions were all over the place. I was a little fragile, to say the least (though not nearly as bad as I was with scarlett haha). One minute I was crying cause I was in pain and the next minute it was because I felt like scarlett hated me for not giving her undivided attention. That night I tried to play with her a little more as best as I could while feeding and holding beckham. When my hands are full, I suggest that we sing songs together. She requested "if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands". I was just glad that she was actually participating with me rather than screaming and running for Chris. I got about halfway through the song when I couldn't finish it anymore. As I sat there holding my sweet newborn and watching my precious toddler smiling and clapping, I realized how happy I truly was. And my tears of pain and frustration turned into tears of joy. I AM happy and I DO know it! Being a mother is all I've ever wanted and I'm so blessed to have two beautiful, healthy children. That trumps all the exhaustion, spit up, tantrums, messes, and time-outs that go along with it. 

Beckham's Birth (& Picture Overload)

He's here :)

My sweet little boy has finally arrived and we could not be happier.

 

 

5/15/15 started out like any other day.

Chris and I then went to our OB appointment at 2:00 and the doc stripped my

membranes and gave me a 50/50 chance of going into labor.

When I went home, I felt great (as in no contractions) for a couple of hours.

Then, as I was watching Ellen, I noticed some were starting to come

every few minutes.

I didn't think anything of it since I've been contracting like that for weeks

and they still weren't painful.

By about 6:00 they were getting a little bit uncomfortable.

I had my mom paint my nails (just in case: you gotta have a good manicure during labor!)

and then Chris and I decided to go on a walk.

It was during this time that things started to get intense.

It reminded me EXACTLY of how things played out during Scarlett's labor,

so I was starting to think that this could be the real deal.

Once we got back from the walk, I asked Chris to switch Scarlett's

car seat to my parents car in case they would need to babysit

and I went upstairs to pack up a few last minute things and get the bags in the car.

When I came down with all of our stuff in tow, I think Chris

finally realized that I meant business.

I politely asked him to please move the carseat again (he hadn't been in any rush)

and we got things ready to go.

My sister and her whole family had just gotten to the house for a visit,

which was a little awkward because I was breathing and working through contractions.

I said a quick hello and then Chris and I headed to the hospital.

He asked if I wanted to stop and get a bite to eat,

but I quickly shut down that idea.  Things were escalating quickly.

The nurse checked my cervix at 8:45 pm and I was still dilated to a 3,

which is what I was in the doctor's office earlier that afternoon.

I was devastated.  How could I be wrong about this?

I KNEW that this was exactly how I felt with my first labor,

and I'm an L/D nurse, so you would think I would know if I were in true labor.

They told me they would recheck me in an hour,

and in that hour the contractions just got more and more intense and I thought I was going to die.

I wanted my cervix to change, I wanted to be admitted, and most importantly,

I wanted my epidural NOW.

The next time the nurse came in, I was crying with every contraction.

She checked me again and I had changed to a 4.

I was so relieved that that was my ticket to being admitted but she said,

"we might have to wait another hour and see if you change more"

HECK NO!

Come to find out, she was a pretty new nurse.

She went out, talked to her charge nurse, and came right back into the room

saying that they were admitting me.

Yeah, that was more like it ;)

They got me to my room, and very quickly got my IV

and got anesthesia in for my epidural.

I literally felt out of control with my contractions.

I didn't think I could deal with the pain anymore and I thought I was acting ridiculous.

Chris told me later though that I was hardly making any noise and just closed

my eyes, squeezed his hand, and breathed through them.

HA, not how I remember it.

 

This was after I got my epidural...

 

But this is more how I looked the whole time :)

Yuck.

 

 

So anesthesia was super quick in getting my epidural in, for which I was grateful..

but I was still feeling everything on one side.

Exactly what happened with Scarlett :(

My doctor came in to break my water around 10:30 and

I was dilated to a 5.

After that, anesthesia came back, gave me some extra medicine,

and I finally got some relief.

After I was comfy, around 11:15, the nurse checked me again and I was completely dilated!

I couldn't believe it.

I thought there was NO WAY I would deliver on the 15th (I thought it'd be the coolest birthday)

but now I was thinking maybe there was a chance.

We called my mom to get over to the hospital right away,

Chris went down to get the camera, and I was ready to go.

The clock was ticking and the doc still hadn't come in.

By now it was 11:45 and I was freaking out.

I kept saying "we need to get him in here so I can start pushing!  I want to deliver on the 15th!"

He must've sensed my urgency because right then the doc arrived,

the nurses set up the room, and I started to push.

 

Getting ready to push!

 

Here we go!
I literally couldn't feel anything, and didn't know if I was actually pushing.
But the doc said I was doing great.

I pushed for about four contractions and there he was!!

It all happened SO fast.
Little Beckham Christopher Lillenberg was born at 11:53 pm,
weight 7 pounds 13 ounces, and was 19 inches long.

Cutting the cord

We were instantly smitten.

A few hours later I wrote down some thoughts.
May 16th 2015 3:40 am
Dear Beckham,
You're here!  I didn't have time to write down any thoughts before because
you came so fast and now I'm holding you in my arms- I can hardly
believe it!
I wondered how I would feel with a little boy, but it was instant love and tenderness.
I felt an instant bond as we snuggled skin to skin.
I can't believe I get to be your mommy!
I am beyond blessed and I hope I can do a good enough job. 
I am so eternally grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing us with you.
You are beyond perfect.
You have the sweetest little round face, a  decent amount of super dark hair,
and perfectly shaped toes unlike your sister :)
I couldn't be happier at this moment and am so glad you've joined our little family.
We love you, Beckham!

 

Things have been pretty great this past week.

Little Beck is the sweetest baby and has such a special spirit about him.

Scarlett is slowly but surely coming around

to the idea that baby is here to stay.

She's been a little more emotional and needy, but that was to be expected

and we're trying to figure out how to give them both the attention they need.

But overall, we are so happy to have this little boy and

be a family of FOUR!!

 

Special thanks to my sweet mama for taking our delivery pictures!

38 Weeks and Maternity Pictures

Thanks to my wonderful hubby for taking these pictures for me :)

He'd much rather be taking them than be posing in them with me, haha.

 

This field was so gorgeous.

Unfortunately we got kicked out after about five minutes,

apparently it was private property and we were unaware.  Oops!

 

 

It's hard to believe that I only have AT MOST one week left of being pregnant!

Hallelujah!

I am at that point where I am soooo ready to be done and meet this little guy.

And we really are ready, I think!

Chris is finally home from California, maternity pictures are done,

car seat is installed (ALL by myself, by the way!),

and Chris and I had our final date night last night,

so I'd say we're all set!!

And my doc stripped my membranes today, which he said gives

me a 50/50 chance of going into labor.

Let me tell you, that stuff is no joke.

I can empathize with my patients a little more, cause it was

one of the most awful things I've ever been through!

I really just want to have him early so that my brother can meet him!

They had a last minute change of plans for PA school and are moving

on Monday, so we gotta get this thing going so they can meet little man.

It's obviously a sign that we got this fortune last night:
a birthday party, perhaps??  5/15/15 would be a pretty dang cool birthday
if you ask me!
 

Coldstone knows how to hook a pregnant girl up!
Tallest mountain of cake batter ice cream I ever did see.
It was a feat, but I was up for the challenge.
And boy, did I conquer!
 

Fingers crossed that something will happen soon!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day. It didn't start off too hot, to be honest. The night before I couldn't fall asleep until 3 am. Then scarlett, who normally sleeps til 10, decided to wake up at 5. For no good reason of course. I tried everything, but every time I closed the door she would be hysterical again. Very frustrating- and add to that she slapped me in the face four times and we had to deal with time-out. Plus Chris is out of town. Didn't think it'd be that big of a deal, but as I battled my toddler, I could hear my dad downstairs making his traditional omelet breakfast in bed for my mom and just wishing that I had my other half by my side. I was feeling pretty low and prayed to my Heavenly Father to help me remember all the joyful things about being a mother. But it was hard, I'm not going to lie. Because motherhood is one of the hardest things I've ever done. The time, energy, lack of sleep, testing of patience, worrying about where they are and if they're safe every second of the day, and the constant praying that you're doing SOMETHING right- it can all be overwhelming. And today was definitely one of those days. I knew I needed to go to church to get some sort of spiritual upliftment, but honestly, the only things that got me out the door this morning were that they were giving out chocolate for Mother's Day, and that I could drop scarlett off in nursery and have two hours of peace. And that's ok I think, because it DID get me out the door, and I WAS spiritually uplifted. We had an awesome lady speak on motherhood who has 12 children. You'd think someone with 12 kids would have it all figured out but every story she told I was screaming in my head, yes! That's just like us! Hallelujah, it's not just me who struggles! 

Anyway, after church, a much needed nap, and a nice long chat with my sweet sweet husband who patiently listens to all of my complaints and tears, I was feeling much better. 

And now as I type this blog post, I'm snuggling and rocking my sweet baby girl as she sleeps. And there is nothing more special. And I realize that my days of snuggling just me and her are rapidly drawing to a close. She's growing up too fast, and we'll have another baby to watch over and give us sleepless nights very soon. I'm so grateful to be a mother. Yes, it's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

37 weeks!

 

 

It's finally here- I'm term!

And I realized that I haven't blogged in FOREVER so I thought it was about time.

Pregnancy's been going as good as I could hope for!

It's gone by super fast, mainly because I don't have time to really think about it much

with chasing Scarlett around.

That's been the biggest change and the hardest challenge through the whole thing:

the tiny bit of energy I have is spent on trying to take care of my sweet toddler,

but it is completely exhausting and sometimes I feel like a bad mom

that I can't run around and play with her like I want to :(

 

But other than that, things are good.

I've been having lots of contractions, but nothing super regular.

I had my 37 week appointment today and I'm 2-3 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced.

Good place to start!

And I've got my induction date scheduled for May 22nd!  Woohoo!

I am not usually an advocate for elective inductions,

I've just seen my fair share of failed inductions that result in C-Sections

and would much prefer to allow my body to do its thing on its own...

but our timing is so tight with family reunions and then moving for dental school,

that I don't really have time to wait around for this little dude!

Maybe he'll just be awesome and decide to come on his own sooner than that!

But hopefully not TOO soon, Chris is in California right now visiting his

family and building a guitar (I know, who's ever heard of someone building their own guitar?)

But that's all Chris wanted for his birthday last month, and this worked

out to be the best timing.

He'll be back next week but I warned him he better catch the first flight home

if I go into labor!

I think we'll be fine, but it still makes me a little nervous not having him here :)

 

My cute brother and sister-in-law had their precious baby boy last week.

They had to be induced for medical reasons (our due dates were only 12 days apart)

and it's making me SO much more anxious to meet my little guy!

But at the same time, seeing them is reminding me to take advantage of my sleep while I can :)

 

So for now I'll just be content nesting like a mad woman.

Hospital bags are nearly packed, car is cleaned, clothes are washed and put away.

I just need to install his car seat and I think we'll be good to go!!

Can't wait to see your sweet face, little one!!